Monthly Archives: April 2008

I’m such a naughty mom….

I totally let my kids sluff today….it’s been AWESOME!!  We have watched movies, ate a basket full of candy and stayed in our PJ’s.  I know it’s not something I should do, I take their school soooo seriously, but I couldn’t help myself.  I never get just hang out time with my kids.  And the best thing about today….oh yeah, it’s 31 cent scoop night at Baskin Robins…PERFECT!!!  So here’s to parent sanctioned sluffing 🙂

 

PS…only two more graveyard shifts and then I’m off to days…..FUCKIN YAY!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah, and don’t forget that I’m  a ROCKSTAR…..just so you know 🙂

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Protected: And still….

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It’s all begining to happen…

I have been given a scholarship for summer quarter!!!  YAY!!!  I’m for real going back to school, and I’m so damn scared!  I haven’t been to any type of school for over 10 years.  When I went to WSU on Monday and met with my academic counselor I looked at all the “young” people and was so intimidated.  Though, I was mistaken for a high school girl (FUCK YEAH BABY!!!!)  I hate to say I hope, because most people use it and put no effort behind it, but I really do hope I do well.  I soooo want out of my current job and the only way for me is going back to school.  I found out that I will have to take the LSAT in the fall, instead of summer, and that has me completely freaked out.  Truly, my ticket out of my current job is the LSAT score, and holy shit I’m so afraid of failure!!  Wish me luck and send good joojoo my way 🙂

 

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Waiting for the words…..

To fall from my mind and land on the paper. .

The vast vortex of darkness rips and gnashes at the white light. It tries, continually, to pull her into it’s depression. Always waiting on the outskirts for a small crack, for any weakness that she may show. Though it may appear as something ugly, the battle resembles a well rehearsed dance. The dance is deceiving, yet beautiful. She knows without the darkness, she couldn’t be a white light in this universe. The polarity of life is resembled in this twisted masquerade. She is thankful for the balance she has found in the dance, but knows that it is a constant battle that will continue for her life, and long after she is gone. 

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Protected: How to lose yourself…

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She woke up in sweats….

in a panic that he was still sharing the same bed.  Her mind was playing tricks on her, making her believe that she hadn’t really left and that his abusive comments would start up anytime soon.  While she cleared the sleep from her eyes, she felt around her bed, like a blind person, hoping her hands would answer her tormented mind.  She felt nothing.  No one else was sharing her bed, but she wouldn’t believe it until she could see clearly.  As the fogginess of sleep subsided and she could see her bed clearly, her hands did not lie.  She was alone….and the excitement began to swell.  Her heart, once beating with anxiety, now beat with excitement.  A smile so big the neighbors no doubt saw it, was on her face.  She laid her head back down on her pillow and she began to giggle.  Not a small cute giggle, but a giggle that only happens when true happiness surrounds your soul.  Tears began to flow from her sleepy eyes and she hugged every pillow on HER bed.  Her bed….wow.  She had really done it, she had really left the prison of her marriage, and today was the first feeling of freedom in eight years.  While lying on her bed, she peered into HER bathroom and again smiled to herself as she looked at the flowery shower curtain.  He never would have approved, and that is why she loved it so much more.  She stepped out of bed and realized, she could wear to bed what she wanted without being told she wasn’t sexy.  She looked at her sweat pants and tank top and did the sexiest dance she could muster that early in the morning.  Freedom, what a wild, crazy concept.  She felt proud.  She felt in love…with herself.  She was dating herself and getting to know herself one day at a time, but today, she really did fall back in love with herself.

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Filed under My past, My thoughts

3 years ago today….

I watched her lose herself, fall to the floor and give up hope.  3 years ago I watched and wanted so badly to make it better, but knew that I’d lose myself and what was important for me.  I told her I loved her more than I had loved anyone and that I wouldn’t be far away EVER, turned, with tears in my eyes and walked out the door.  I crossed that threshold with fear, unknowing and sorrow of lost opportunies, but soooo strong and calm.   Marcy was Marcy again.  Though abused and battered from a previous relationship, I just walked out on a woman I knew I would love forever.  I knew that no matter what may happen, that I would be ok, I was strong, confident and ALIVE again.  I sat in my car, proud, stunned and a little in awe that I, for once in my life, did what was right for me, not giving in to others.  I knew that we would be together forever, no matter what capacity and that it would be the healthiest relationship of my life. 

I woke up by her side this morning.  I sat up in bed and looked her beautiful face, knowing that I am the luckiest girl in the galaxy.  She is my balance, my best friend, lover and best mermaid friend you could ask for.  She is my calm, my sanctuary, my sanity most days and the sunset of my nights.  She swims in the deep end of the pool with me when everyone else seems shallow.  She holds my hand through my hell, while I do the same with her.  She loves me…truly.  And I am sooo IN love with her.  It’s amazing that 3 years have passed.  I’m thankful everyday that she called me on April 22, 2005, the next day following her loss of hope, and took me to lunch.  We have been holding on to each other tightly since.  We actually got tattoos that day….and NO, not our names (dorky!!), but symbols of what our strengths are as individuals. 

To the next 3 years, and the next, and the next and the next……..

Happy partner day babe, BUES!!!!!

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