No news is good news…

or is it? You never know with her. I often will stop myself, in whatever it is I’m doing, and wonder what she is planning or conspiring. I try to figure her out, so only to know how to play her game, but realize that I could never be that sinister. I wonder if she even has an idea of what she is doing to her son in all this, or if she even cares. The weird thing is, I grew up with her. My granmother (fathers mom) was just as spiteful, evil and sinister as her, and she lived with us. My grandma Marcene lived with me from the time I was born until I was 21. She was never happy, found ways to interfere with others and died a lonely old woman. She died this last Jan. and I never said goodbye, and for a person like me you would think would be hard. Crazy thing, it’s not. She had no comprehension of humanity and if she did, she didn’t know how to show it. The last time I saw her Cheyenne was 9 months old (she’s 6 now.) How scary is that? I think I get scared knowing those gene’s are in me somewhere. I suppose that is why J is not so scary to me, she’s just going to die lonely, and come to find out, that is her greatest fear. You can only push people away so long until they understand to REALLY stay away.


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Filed under My thoughts, Worry

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