Monthly Archives: July 2008

Ring Ring…

ring, ring.  My phone, I’m at work in the middle of a section with inmates.  I hurry and check it.  It’s the kids and they are with C.  Ok, I must hurry outside to callback.  As I make my way through lockdown doors and sliders I’m filled with so much excitement.  You see, my kids will be leaving tomorrow for 2 weeks to go visit their dad in Florida.  He is flying in from Afghanistan and the kids have been so thrilled to see him that my nightly calls have been coming few and far between.  As I make my exit out the last secure door (FINALLY) I have a signal and my policy no longer dictates my brain.

As I approach the “safe zone” my phone chirps and infoms me one of my munchkins has left me a message.  To call back or to listen, that is my question.  I have to listen, their voices on my voicemail are always so cute.

This is the message:

Chey: Mom, why aren’t you answewing?  I have to call and tell you that I need meds.  You know, for my asmth…Wyatt stop.  Anyways….Mom…..oh yeah, message.  So my stuff for my asthm…my as….*sigh of frustratin* My breathing stuff, I need that for Fwowida.  I miss you, I love you….Wyatt stop I’m talking to mom….I mean leaving a message.  Ok, call me back.

As I’m listening I get the wonderful sound of a beep telling me she is on the other line waiting for me to pick up.

Chey:  Hi momma

Me:  Hi speck a lecka, what you doin?

Chey:  Did you get my message?

Me:  I am listening to it right when you called.

Chey:  Yeah C told me to call you and tell you that I need my meds.  Wanna know what I did today (no break in the action for this girl.)

Me:  I’d love to hear, what did you do?

Chey:  went to the barn and now gonna watch a movie.  Mom did you know I’m not afraid of nuffin? 

Me:  Yes I did know this.  Was the barn fun

Chey:  Well except aliens and ghosts

Me:  Well, not all ghosts are mean

Chey:  (interrupting) How do you know?  Have you met a ghost…..Wyatt, mom has met a ghost.

Me:  Chey I didn’t say that

Chey: Oh….Wyatt mom was telling stories!!

God I love her!!

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I’m not getting what the big deal is…

I mean, I’ve lived the hetro life and the lesbo life now.  I’m still not understanding why people are having issue with the way I do it now.  I pay bills.  I watch TV with my kids.  We go on vacations.  I still kiss owies better.  I still work.  I still help with homework and reading….seriously, what’s so different.  Oh that’s right, it’s the sexual act….hmmm.  Weird that others think about my sex life more than I do.  I still sit on this couch being involved (as ever) as I did when I was married to him.  So raising my two kids (well 3 but I’m not supposed to mention him either) with two moms is so different how?  I mean they aren’t involved with my sex now and they weren’t then.  I just want to set up a website asking these important questions because so far no one has been able to explain to me how my kids having two mom’s is disruptive, negligent or otherwise unhealthy.  I’ve heard, “well its just wrong.”  Ummmm ok, but how?  I’ve heard, they need a mom and dad.  How about those poor unfortunate children that are missing moms and dads because they were killed in war?  The typical response I get is, its different.  Again, ummmmm, how?  One, two, hell twenty people involved in raising a child, regardless of gender, is still love and involvement right?  Am I way off here?  Rizzi leaving my kids lives would be just as devastating as when him and I got divorced.  Period.  Their love does not have gender, labels or guidelines.  The adults are the ones that make it difficult for children.  ALLof us are a clean slate when born and are indoctrinated with love, or hate.  Stop fighting, start loving and move the fuck on!!

 

As for court drama, paperwork will be filed tomorrow, but who knows if she will really sign it.  She has worked so hard this summer to convince him that he hates it here.  She has done her best to convince him that Rizzi loves me more.  Sick!!  So sick.  How can she hug him, tell him that she loves him, do what she does for him and then twist his mind.  I am currently reading Prozac Nation, (good read) and all I can think about is that this is M.  He is going to be so bitter and confused at some point, if not already.  I can only imagine the feelings of loss, confusion, anger and hurt he must feel daily.  He doesn’t even have the opportunity to figure this all out on his own.  Mind you, Rizzi and I try not to talk to him about the “big people stuff” but that has to be just as confusing.  He is getting one-side of a story and isn’t sure that it’s the truth half the time.  Or he invests and banks on the fact that she is telling him the truth and then his world crumbles when he’s told differently.  God I hate this, more than I ever thought I would.  I want to rescue him but am helpless.  She is evil, spiteful and a control freak.  Why can’t she see what she is doing to him????

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So I jumped the gun…

I had a long talk with my dad. Turns out he really believes I deserve all that him and my mother have in their relationship….whew. I have a daddy date next week so he can help me study for the LSAT. I’m a little nervous, and I don’t know why. Maybe I feel a distance between him and I that isn’t necessary for us to have. We’ll see.

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Ihave cried more tears…

than I care to admit.  I have talked until no words where left.  I have pushed myself to fight for what I KNOW is right.  And then you read post after post of sorrow, desperation and anger.  And for what??  Though M hasn’t been taken from us….he has.  Because of selfishness and and unwillingness to see what harm we are doing to our children.  As K states in her post, is it possible to reach out to all of these people?  Mylar……REALLY????  Why??? Why is this happening in our community?  Who can change it and sign me up for it.  I feel desperate again….I feel hollow.  I feel helpless…how horrible for us all.  What can we do as a group…PLEASE…can we all sit down and at least support each other?  Sit down cry and then get inspired.  I can’t sit on this couch any longer and write and read about the hurt and not do anything.  I might not change laws, but I can help with hurt.  Enough is Enough!!!!

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Protected: A family BBQ

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I sure hope I don’t jinx myself…

but I think victory is at my doorstep.  She has agreed to all of our stipulations, but my attorney said she is on a war path with EU.  I guess she feels like her sons pic shouldn’t be anywhere but her wall so she has issue that Rizzi and I chose to use his image on a beautiful campaign.  But I can definitely agree not to use it ANYMORE.  It’s weird, the anxiety isn’t quite over yet, not until she signs the papers and the judges signature graces it. 

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I’d like to introduce you to…

the new County negotiator. Got the call today….can you believe a girl like me (who was told consistantly when she was young she couldn’t be a cop) is the new negotiator??? YAY!!! I’m so excited. Next stop, Quantico Virginia for training with the FBI…..Holy shit!! I sat through that interview and felt as if I was saying the wrong things….maybe that’s how it feels when your dead on….weird!! Funny how when one thing goes right another has to go wrong. I was informed by my attorney today that I can not show M’s image, mention him or any such action on the internet or other medium…curious what there is to be ashamed of??? I have never put him at risk, and be the tactical diva I am, I would never subject him to harm….Just goes to show she really does hate R and I. Can’t help but feel bad for him….living in the bubble she provides him. All I can do is say “oh well” and move on I suppose.

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