So I’m feeling a little disappointed…

and a lot scared.  Went to the doctor today.  Not an ordinary family doctor…nope a Plastic Surgeon to be exact.  You see, when I was young and foolish. . ok 21, but that can be considered foolish, I have a “boob job.”  Well 12 years later I am having HORRIBLE pain in my left breast, so I went to see my original PS.  He was always kind and honest….and he was no less today.  Turns out I have capsuler contraction.  Not sure I spelled that right, but what it means is that they need to come out, the implants that is.  So I researched like a mad woman today because my surgery is on Friday.  It’s a major surgery, with operating time lasting 2 hours.  It’s called explant surgery.  Wow, it’s so fast it’s dizzying.  Now mind you both me and the kids started school Monday and I’ll be missing classes, but I suppose it’s for a good reason.  Of course they offer to replace the implant, for more money, but WHY??  Why do this to myself again?  So I might turn out a saggy maggy, but what can ya do?  I’m so twisted with concern, ego, and economics right now I could throw up.  So why disappointed.  Well I shared all this info with Rizzi after my appointment and let her know I was on the brink of a panic attack, which had to be pushed aside as I have a Tuesday night class, and she came home later than usual.  And the reason?  She stayed late to hang out with a fellow employee.  Now I understand I don’t command nations and my illness does not stop the world, but damn, it would have been nice to have her home with me and put kids to bed and then hang out on the porch and talk about it….still could do all that but I’d rather throw a trantrum and pout. . I know, it doesn’t work and it won’t make me feel any better, but I think I’m going to stay mad for at least a half hour…that’ll show her!!

Well I’m off to push out my lip, maybe kick and scream on the floor and cry big alligator tears 😦

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Filed under Frustration, Relationships, Worry

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