Monthly Archives: November 2008

and continues. .

So when did calling from Afghanistan because your daughter wants to try and be a vegetarian, constitute a national crisis?  So Cheyenne tells me she feels “bad” when she eats meat and wants to “try” and be a vegetarian for 30 days.  I agree I’ll “try” with her, excluding Thanksgiving of course, and we are on day 5.  Well Andy calls from Afghanistan to tell me that he won’t allow her to be a vegetarian.  Really?  Cause you can control that?  He went on and on about how it’s a “lifestyle” choice and she isn’t old enough to make that decision.  Ummm, listen to yourself.  This is sooo about Andy and not Cheyenne.  But hey, he can’t control what happens in my home.  It was explained to the kids that they would have different rules at different houses.  The problem I’m having, he yelled at them.  Told them they were wrong for making a choice and told them they couldn’t talk to me about what happens at his home.  Fuck, can’t an adult see what this does to children?  They are made to feel like they are keeping secrets, and encouraging them to lie and feel guilt.  I feel so bad for my kids.  But, I won’t let it discourage me from allowing them some atonomy.  He is such a control freak! But thank god I’m no longer controlled by him and I think this is what gets him all wound up.

2 Comments

Filed under Frustration, My kids, My past, My thoughts, Relationships, Worry

So the drama continues. .

Got the kids from K yesterday night (Andy’s wife).  She is sick, puking and all that fun stuff.  I took today off work so that  I could watch the kids.  Once the kids were safely in the car they began to tell me that K had them “lie” yesterday to get on the FrontR**er.  Turns out that if your under 5 you can ride for free, so K, with her infinite wisdom of parenting, told my kids to lie about their age.  Now, quick side note, Cheyenne has been lying about small things, so we have been re enforcing with positive praise when she is honest, and following up on her tall tales.  Now K is fully aware of the problems Cheyenne is having with honesty.  This latest incident only tops off the fact that three weeks ago she allowed my children to “take” (steal) some scooters from a bus stop in Farmington.  When I confronted her on allowing my kids to take property that isn’t theirs, she reassured me that she had filed a police report and that the PD said she could keep the scooters until the owners were found.  Well being who I am, I immediately called the FPD and wanted to ensure a report was actually made.  NOPE, the dispatcher assured me that no report had been filed, but asked that  I call the next day to be sure.  I called the next day and the dispatcher told me that, surprise surprise, a K Fresh had called a short time after my call and filed a report and stated that she (K) would be turning in the scooters that night.  And surprise surprise, she never took them in.  As I talked with Cheyenne on Friday, she mentioned she was riding “her” scooter.  I explained to Cheyenne that it wasn’t hers, that someone was probably missing their scooter.  She doesn’t get it, and why should she?  I mean another “parent” has condoned her behavior of taking what isn’t hers.

So my plan.  To confront K once again about her teaching my children to lie and steal.  I want her to explain to me why she thinks it best that I continue to allow her to care for them.  And I know, going in to this, that Andy will be calling me with hate and threats of taking my kids from me.  The only difference this time is that I’m SOLID in the fact that he can’t do that. . kinda hard with him in Afghanistan.  And even when he returns, what court is going to say that I’m wrong in teaching my children what is wrong and right?  The only thing he has is me being a lesbian, but hey, I’m bio mom and according to Utah Courts, that’s what matters right?

If anyone has input or advice PLEASE leave me a comment, I could use the help/pep talk.

Leave a comment

Filed under Family Time, Frustration, My kids, My thoughts, Relationships, Worry

A conflict in personal vs. professional

It was divulged to me from a fellow employee that my chief sees this “push” from the gay community as a “war” and he solicited for his fellow Mormon employees to give an “extra 10%” tithing to win this supposed war.  He also stated that gays and lesbians are “tearing apart the morale fabric of America.”  When a fellow Mormon employee explained to him that he “didn’t care” and he didn’t understand how the gays and lesbians threaten his life/marriage, the Chief became more adamant and wouldn’t drop the issue.  Sad part of all of this is that one of the employees subjected to this personal summation by the Chief is gay, but not out at work.  Can’t blame him, with this type of mood in the Sheriff’s Office.  But I can’t help but dwell on how this has affected him. . hell as well as me.  Can you imagine listening to this conversation and not saying anything?  He told this conversation took place in a County vehicle with 3 other County employees.  He said he wanted to be dropped off in Bountiful and find a ride home.  I stood, staring at him stunned, not knowing what to say to him.  Not knowing how to help.  I felt defeated, confused and angry.  

I’ve had much respect for my chief, as he calls me his favorite Sergeant.  Funny thing, he has distanced himself from me the last few months, and now I think I know why.  What to do?  This employee told me this in confidence and if I were to approach/confront the chief about this conversation it would “out” this employee, and his fear of being revealed is high.  I so badly want to sit across the desk from the chief and ask him how I threaten his security in his marriage.  I want to invite him to “live” with my family so he has proper perspective.  He has taken away some of my hope, and has proven to me that his Policy and Procedure are obsolete, as he violated the whole, “no politics at work” theory.  So fuck it, I’ll speak out the best and appropriate means available to me.  No longer will I sit in a room of employees speaking politics and have me sit silent.  Every Obama joke will be met with facts.  Every gay comment (that’s so gay) will be met with sarcasm and an opportunity to educate.  And if the employee who isn’t out leaves (as he’s actively pursuing other jobs) I will make it a point to sit across from the chief and ask hard questions hoping for sincere responses.  I’ll be marked and go know where in my career, but sounds as if I wouldn’t anyways.

Leave a comment

Filed under Frustration, My thoughts, Relationships

With all this gay pride, who has time for Holidays?

Between working with my “family” for organizational purposes and deciding who’s cooking the turkey, life can be hectic, but truth be told I LOVE IT!!  I love the atmosphere and the fact that so many people are involving themselves.  Now that’s not to say that at some point I haven’t thought, “where the hell were all these people the last few years?”  I’ve been out for 4 years and I think I plunged myself into the ’cause’.  Not to say I couldn’t do more (always willing to involve myself more) but maybe it’s that people like myself don’t know how.  It seems you have to be connected to someone to get somewhere.  Ogden is so disconnected from SLC and we are the ugly step sister that gets ignored.  Hopefully with perseverance we can get this ugly step sister a pretty dress and a hair cut. . . no what I’m sayin?

 

So I will live my life with a fullness that is noticed, a voice that is undeterred and a grace that can’t be ignored.

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

As it was announced. .

that Obama was going to be president elect, I couldn’t help but cry!  When he came on stage to begin his speech, my body was covered in chills and again, the tears began to flow.  I was on the phone with my sister and we cried together.  She can truly look into her biracial child’s eyes and tell her, in all honesty, that she can become president one day.  That any person of any color can be WHATEVER they want to be in this wonderful country.  I was a part of history and I will never forget it!!

Leave a comment

Filed under Family Time, My kids, My thoughts, Relationships, Thinking of Friends

What I learned while phone banking for Obama. .

First off, I love people in Ohio.  They were so kind!  Not one person told me off or wanted to scream obscenities at me before they even knew why I was calling. Most of the voters I spoke to were older.  Take Joyce, she’s 91 and was so sweet. . she made me promise to call her tomorrow and tell her who won the election.  She said she is a black woman and she has been hanging on to make sure that a black man would hold office before she died.  I so fell in love with her.  And you know I’ll be calling her tomorrow!

Secondly. . FUCK Colorado.  Damn, those people need a vacation or something.  Everyone single one. . . no really EVERY single one of them were rude!  When did screaming into a phone constitute the proper, appropriate response?  This wasn’t my first day calling, as I’ve made over 300 calls, but without fail CO has been the worst to call.  I will NEVER vacation in CO.

Third, there really are A LOT of people voting this election.  Though I believe, with all my core, that Obama will win, if he doesn’t he can credit himself for motivating a nation to get involved. . FINALLY.  To many have sat silent and not let their voices be heard.  I hope the momentum doesn’t stop tonight.  I hope that I’m just as willing to call strangers for a cause I believe in.  

I’m proud of myself and love knowing that I helped make history!!  I await waking up in the morning and seeing America take a step forward, for a change, and embrace change 🙂

 

1 Comment

Filed under My thoughts