Category Archives: My kids

Second class citizen …

It is a simple process to diminish a persons worth, place them in the category of 2nd class citizen and devalue their human capacity to love.  Really, it is as simple as structuring laws around ideology of religions or “morals” or outdated notions that fetter the love of two adults.

Walking up to the counter to pick up my prescription I knew that it would be a little pricey.  I don’t have medical insurance, even though my partner of 8 years works in Law Enforcement and has excellent benefits, I cannot be added because we are not “legally married.”

That’s what they say, “you have to be legally married” as if this were an option that is available to us but we have been too stupid or lazy to take the time to wed one another.

I give the pharmacist my name and he happily asks for my insurance card.  Seems like a simple question but this question is deeper than having no insurance or having insurance.

Though I have worked since I was 15 years old, paid into the system like everyone else and had insurance up until a year and a half ago I chose (a real choice) to return to school.  Any other woman, who “chose” to marry a man with insurance could make this decision without being worried about her medical future.  I, on the other hand, am not privy to these options.

When I explain that I have no insurance the pharmacist says, “I don’t want to tell you the price.”  I ask if it is pretty bad and he again replies, “I really don’t want to tell you.”  He turns the computer screen in my direction and I notice the price $350.45.  I chuckle and say, “I expected it to be around $300.00.”  He just stares at me and then points to the bottom of the screen.  $658.45!  “I can’t pay that” was my feeble reply.  Shock doesn’t really convey my disbelief because really, I’m angry.  I’m absolutely washed over with anger, rage that can only bring about tears.

I call my doctor wanting a cheaper alternative, but I know that my call is in vain.  I understand that my call will only be met with, “not sure what to tell ya” or “sorry, there is no generic.”

Yet I can see, in my minds eye, that prescription card in my partners’ wallet, sitting there, providing a warm blanket of comfort.  A woobie of security that will not be extended to me, or be able to wrap it’s loving care of health around my shoulders.  This card is missing my name.  This card that identifies her only as single is a lie.  She is not single!

She pays all of the bills, supporting our three kids and us.  She is not single; she is happily partnered for eight wonderful years.  In this time we have made our commit for one another known to our family, friends, co-workers, fellow students, our community-at-large and quite frankly the whole world if it would let us.

In this time we have made memories as a family, each and everyday.  We eat at the dinner table every night.  We share our “best” and “worst” moments of the day while we eat home cooked meals.  We have all laughed together, often.  We have yelled at one another less often.  We have experienced loss of friends together and the birth of friend’s children.  We have taken road trips across half the nation, all five us packed into a small car, just to dangle our feet in foamy ocean waters, lay in the sun and take too many pictures of the same sand dollar.

We have spent all our holidays with our families, taking turns to go to California to visit hers, and the other years with my family in Utah.  My kids are given Christmas cards and gifts from her family and my family extends the same love of her son.

We are a family.  A family stretched across this nation through family lineage.  Our ancestors worked just as hard, as diligently and maintained their loyalty to this nation.  Yet this nation isn’t loyal to me.  This nation continues to degrade my life by simple things like insurance cards.

All of this simply because I didn’t fall in love with a man.  Simply because I “chose” to share my life with my best friend, confidante, cheer leading squad and the absolute purest love I’ve ever experienced.  That’s not good enough.  I “chose” to disrupt a societal system of dominant thinking.  I “chose” to live a life that is second class FOR love, but still, that’s not enough.  Even handing over 658.45 (which I didn’t do, simply because who has that kind of money) would it wrap me up the warm blanket of acceptance?  Would that money guarantee me that I’d never have to feel the sting of second-class citizenship?

Of course not!

The only way that I will be allowed to feel like a full citizen of the United States is when laws change.  When people, regardless of sexual orientation, recognize that my love is no less than theirs.  That my commitment to my family, friends, children and lover are no different.

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Filed under Frustration, Making a home, My kids, My thoughts

To Wyatt

Wyatt,

Often times I can’t find the perfect words to let you know how much I love you!  It seems impossible to write how proud I am of you and the life you are creating!

I watched you walk through the doors of school this morning and I couldn’t help but smile with pride.  You are a witty, handsome, intelligent young man.  Daily I am reminded how much I love you.  Each story you write, each game you explain, each silly commentary of life you make are reminders of how clever you really are.  Sometimes I feel like you are growing up too quickly, but watching you evolve into a man has been one of the greatest journey’s of my life.  When I hear you speak of mature subjects with an understanding of their concepts I’m in awe!  When I find you investigating the “truth” of information I am stunned by your fortitude to question everything.

I want you to know that you are so special to me.  As the years pass and you continue on your journey of self discovery I am amazed by you!  I want to hug you and never let you go!

But most of all Wyatt, I want you to know that I love you for YOU!  I hold no expectations of whom or what you should be.  I only expect that you stay true to yourself.  Never allow someone else’s idea of what you should be interfere with your journey of discovering yourself.  I truly mean it when I tell you; I will ALWAYS love you, no matter how your life turns out.

Isn’t it exciting to figure yourself out?  Isn’t it exciting that you have boarded the ship of life and you get to be the captain of that ship?

Of course I know you and I will weather rough waters on occasion, but Wyatt, those will be the moments that will help define our friendship.  Even the choppy seas teach us how to be better captains.  I will be right next to you, never abandoning ship.  I will ALWAYS be right next to you, loving you and being proud of who you are.

 

Love,

Mom

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Filed under Family Time, My kids, My kids ROCK!!!, My thoughts

Cinders burn red …

Cinders burn red

Shadows are cast

Dragons outlast

Mans imaginations.

Scales of all colors

Adorn his sleek body.

Great spines staircase his back

Yellow eyes wonder everyone’s bodies

11 year old you draw with

Determination, taking your mind to

Other nations.

Creating worlds is your forte.

You take great care in feeding

Your mind with myth, magic and memories.

Dragons become real through your pencil.

Don’t give up. Worlds are waiting to be

Discovered.

 

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Filed under My kids, Poetry

Midway Swimming

Starlings sing over sparkling chlorinated waters.

Quarters plop and bubble to the bottom of the pool.

Her oversized goggles assist in tales of water monsters.

Scattered flies entangled in her hair are the only obstacles.

Yet diving for silver becomes more important than hygiene.

 

Peels of laughter echo off the concrete resort,

Giving competition to the cries of hungry birds.

Slappy, soggy feet give away your stealthy mind

In a bout of hide and seek.

 

New friends are made in imagination and buoyant warm waters.

Common goals keep you all bound together.

Find the quarter first and the prize is

Getting to do it all over again.

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Filed under Bein a kid, Family Time, My kids, My thoughts

Letter to my 11 year old daughter …

Cheyenne,

Today you turn 11 years old.  Too often I’ve sat and thought about the most poignant of words to share with you, to have you understand the depth of my love for you.  It is in those moments that I come to understand the phrase, “there are no words.”

Looking at you grow into a young women has me speechless far too often.  When I see your smile, wrapped in the braces that will take away the final remnants of awkward youth, it warms my entire body.  When I hear you speak of mature subjects I’m quickly reminded that flaws in your speech are forever gone.  And though it sounds as if I’m mourning the loss of your childhood, the truth is, I’m vibrating with anticipation of what you will accomplish in your teenage years.

Please know that I do not hold any expectations of who or what you will become.  I want you to be happy, for you, and enjoy your life to the fullest.  I find it exciting that you get to define yourself.  You get to explore what makes you tick.  Truly, my only request is that you stay true to yourself.  Do not let your life be dictated by anyone but yourself.

Of course I’m not foolish enough to believe that you and I won’t have our trying moments, but as promised, those moments will be met with chocolate chip cookies and rootbeer floats.  Remember Cheyenne, I have an unconditional love for you.  No matter the circumstance you may find yourself in, I will ALWAYS be by your side, loving you!

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Filed under My kids, My thoughts

Ode to Summer

I want to write, but what is there to say that hasn’t been spoken?  Wouldn’t I just be crafting a work of art that would be considered Mimetic?

Often times, while sitting in my white pillared, warm and worn home, I stare out the front window.  Through this looking glass I’m presented with big green leaves that are kissed by the sun, the gossip of robins and caws of unseen crows.  The old tree, with his bark stained chocolate brown with age, bends to and fro in the breeze of the summer afternoon.  The chitchat of the neighborhood provides a low hum as the afternoon sun burns, slowly sinking to the west.

In these moments of normality I often question what more is there to write about? What is more beautiful then an afternoon summer?

It couldn’t be the stark boney fingers of the Maple tree protruding into the grey skies.  It couldn’t be the harrowing cries of wind pushing the brown crunchy leaves across the road.  And with great confidence I declare, it couldn’t possibly be the screech of metal shovels pushing aside the slushy tears of Mother Nature.

Summer allows us to embrace nature, to sit with her, caress her golden braids of light and dive into the warmth of her waters.  Summer allows for naked feet to massage her back and for hands to grip her as they aspire to climb to new perspective.  Summer is living.

Perhaps there would be those that disagree, and who am I to say their opinions are wrong?  However, I’d say that those people would rather argue these points on a friendly porch, with slices of lemon wedges adorning their drinks.  Sitting on Adirondack chairs of youth and flipped flopped feet, we’d lock horns on it’s worth.  Quarrelling in the cumbersome costumes of winter would dampen the mood.  We can agree that most would rather sip on foamy beer, in tank tops, and debate over a sizzling BBQ than sip on unreliable ciders and wait for the electric glow of appliances.

Summer, my heart grows wane and murky while you vacation.  You know I will wait as patient as possible, and upon your return, I will shower you with laughter and late night visits.  I will stoke your heart with stories over fire pits and warm your mind with gooey marshmallows.  Most of all, I’ll show my kids how to treat you with care so that you will continue to return and teach them how too love as deeply as a Shepherd’s Tree.

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Filed under Family Time, Making a home, My kids, My thoughts, Thinking of Friends

To Wyatt and Cheyenne

I want to feed you the whole world

Not missing out on one little bite.

You can’t walk, in your blanket curled

So instead we’ll take a trip by flight.

Riding through the universe on a friend

I’ll feed all this to you by hand with love.

And should you find that you need a mend

I’ll always be by your side, silent as a dove.

When you shed your innocent wings

And your feet stand on solid ground

I’ll still be around to hear your things

For I will not be far, I’ll always be found.

And then you can feed me your world

While I’m in my old blanket feeble and curled.

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Filed under Family Time, My kids, My thoughts, Poetry, Relationships